Adventures in (Blind) Dating

So a friend of mine, let’s call him “Ben”, tried to set me up on a blind date yesterday.  I’m pretty cool about friends trying to set me up, so I was like, “Sure, let’s do this!”

I get the basics from him.  Been in LA for a few months.  Came from Taiwan.  Speaks some English.  Call her that night.

“Hi!  Is Nina there?” (in Chinese)

“…this is Nina.”

“Hi!  How are you?  I’m Stephen.  (in English now) I’m Ben’s friend.  I think you guys had dinner together last night?”

“Errr…” 

Silence.  Ok.  It’s rapidly becoming clear this girl speaks less English than Ben had let on.  No problem!  I speak Chinese!

“I’m Ben’s friend.  You guys had dinner together last night?”

“Errr…” 

Silence.  Ok.  Now there’s a problem.  This is pretty much on the ooopposite end of the spectrum from “OHAI !  Stephen right?  Ben said you’d call!”

This was the point when I realized that the call was going to go much differently than I’d planned. 

Listen up boys and girls.  If you ever set your friend up on a blind date, make sure the person being contacted is expecting to be contacted!  The difference between doing this and NOT doing this is the difference between "Anticipating a call from an intriguing stranger" vs. "Getting a random call out of the blue from some stalky creeper".  If you don’t set your friend up for success, don’t be surprised if you get an ear full from said friend the next day.

Back to the call.

I mean, my Chinese is pretty good, but not good enough to sweet talk my way out of something like this.  “Omg I’m sorry.  Did Ben not tell you I’d call?  This is awkward.  Haha!  …. Etc.”  It would have been an even proposition at best if she spoke English, but as it was, the best I could do was:

“Ben tells me you haven’t been in LA very long, and…"

(At this point I was trying to figure out how to say “…and that you didn’t know very many people, so I was thinking maybe I could take you out and show you around town?”  But the best I could come up with was...)

"...I was thinking, are you free this Sunday?”

Ya.  That was the best I could do on short notice in my second language.  You see, my English tool box has all sorts of cool things like tape measures, levels, and 96 piece Allen Wrench sets.  But when I reached into my Chinese tool box, I could only find this:

"Uhh... I thought he meant that we could all go out together sometime?  I think that way, there won't be as much pressure..."

At this point, I just wanted to get off the phone.  This is why I don’t like to talk on the phone.  Especially when it comes to this kind of stuff.  Writing is my weapon of choice.

"Oh!  No problem!  I totally understand.  Let me talk to Ben and maybe he can set something up, okay?  Okay.  Buh bye."